- Games -

Argh. Are addicted to some games on my iPhone. This is really bad. Wasted too much time. =(

-- breakup --

Too many random negative thought brush through my mind for the last hour.
The worst woe now is I am considering a breakup. I love my KD a lot, but I am a burden at this point of my life. I don't wanna drag KD down into deep water and stir unhappiness between us. I guess for KD's future in mind, leavin is the best option. But I really don't want wanna do it. I love KD a lot.
Sad sad now

- dinner -

didnt had a great cny reunion dinner as the dishes was jus sufficient. the only leftover was the chicken which was pretty dry without much seasonin and sauces. spent a great deal of energy on cleanin up the house and my room. i am nothin but hungry at midnight after a wet cny shoppin in chinatown. rain catch up shortly after arrival for cny shoppin. hastily bought many goodies while waitin for the rain to subside within a nasty hour and the half.
this little short trip was unpleasant especially when kd drove reckless on the wet grounds and simply show signs of unhappiness. the worse came when i was accused for forcin kd out to shop with mE even i have offered to drop kd home instead of goin shoppin.
we have different taste for shoppin: i prefer cheapo style of shoppin; kd prefer clean and expensive shoppin. the difference was the result for the "i almost blow my top".
nightmares have causes much of my sleepless nights for the past weeks. today i slept on my father's car throughout the short trip to woodlands. i dont sleep when i am sittin next to the driver, but today was bad. badly awaken up at eight by a nightmare that i had a committed a small but grave mistake today. yesterday was eaten by some strange creature. these evil dreams were somewhat result of unhappiness at work and stress with rs. i have been makin attempts to resolve difference in rs but kd remains quiet makin life hard. kd unwillingness to take have taken to another level when all i give and ask are simply ignored. question i asked turn to a deaf ear. i asked many questions and came without answers.
i am now sittin at a prata shop alone finished two plain prata and two teh chino. 5.60dollars is the sum for unhappiness. when will you love mE and choose not to be unhappy with mE and be honest with mE? rs is about you and mE.

- Page 18 of 366 -

i am totally not content with my work.
seriously, helping others is nothin but wastin my own time and invitin more problem.
don't care, don't bother MUST kick in soon.
nevertheless, i will help those who deserved it and is worth my help.

1. I lend someone something and getting back is a fricking chore and i must go high and low and beg people to return.

2. I banged many walls and called everyone only to find out that "actually don't need one"

3. I am doin everyone a favour and at the end, it is my problem

4. I planned and sent out email about the schedule for the upcoming event. no reply. till i have to get info from my good friend and then realised that all i have planned is wrong. forget it. ignored.

5. I received few emails with "track it", "oversee this", "get it done" and other phrase askin to act on it when each email have over ten items to act on. so each email require hours to complete. now i am labelled "low bandwidth and capacity" and "inefficient".

i think i am jus too involved in many administrative work that does not fall within my job scope, but seein how it affect others, i took up the tasks. wasted too much time and effort. totally incapacitated mE. well. i should really don't care and don't bother.

+ stronger? +

jus a feelin to myself. i felt the r/s is growin stronger. or perhaps is my wishful thought. things are gonna in weeks time. =(

+ happy +

the title says it all.
went tannin, played fb, sleep, wash and clean vv.
today went home, rest for half an hour and went lunch at sunday usual with kd. thereafter, kd had a long wait to trim the hair short at admiraty area.
then we went k box, had lotsa fun and went home for dinner separately.
it is a simple but nice day. =)

support

i jus simply hate the way i swayed towards you and being badly despite by you.

i received a lecture from kd that i help s gettin a boy in thailand. after the lecture, i felt nothin but jus remorseful and felt terribly that i shouldn't have supported the trade. i am wrong. i won't do it again.
it is not due to ego that i fail to admit but jus that i have aligned my values towards yours and at that point of time, my only thing that think to myself is that i won't do it at all.
admit it wrong or is no longer important. the important thing is that you won't stay on with mE anymore regardless what.
if kd ever read this, i jus wanna say "i am wrong, i shouldn't and will never do it again." not because you asked or you don't coz i realised that i am wrong.

today is new year

new year, new start.

happy new year to one and all.

may my wishes come true.

version 2 begins.